How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
