it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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