I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
