weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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