I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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