I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
