question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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