He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
