he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
