I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
