I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
