Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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