I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
