OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
