Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
