so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
