is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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