I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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