now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He kissed a someone with a penis
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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