we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
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He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
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I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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