our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
