Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
