I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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