There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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