There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
