I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
