Im at strip club and am horny
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
