Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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