when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
