she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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