If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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