Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
