I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
