I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
