weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
