I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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