I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
