I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
