he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
