Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
ugly people sure do ruin things
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
