swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
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She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
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I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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