i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
