i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
