it wasn't lemon gatorade
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
