We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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