I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
