im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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