Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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