Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
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I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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