he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
