i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
