he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
