Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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