Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
