she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
