I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
