I got chris browned last night
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
