She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
