Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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