Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
