I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
