It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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