dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
