Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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