it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
