I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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