So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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