i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
