i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
