none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
vagina is talking i cant
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
