im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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