Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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