I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
